*THIS POST CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS FROM AMAZON*
When I saw the original Hostel Movie years ago, it didn’t help my view of hostels. Once I began traveling SE Asia after living in China for a year, hostels made it easier to transition well through the continent. I mostly enjoyed the accommodations and service, however, I have trepidations for future use due to the crap you put up with from other patrons. With that said, unless there was nothing else available, here are some of the main reasons why I prefer to avoid hostels and guest houses going forward.
1. Those Hostel Farts are Hostile
As a major connoisseur of beans, broccoli, and kale, I understand that farts are part of life. Whenever I try to treat my farts like my opinions, I only spread them if asked. Call me naive, but I had no idea farts could travel up, but they do, trust me and they travel as fast as sound. I’ve never been sprayed by a skunk but I have by a human, a strange one, while trying to sleep in the above bunk. Thanks London, otherwise, I enjoyed my time and will be back for a third time.
Next time I’ll pack some Yankee Candle Concentrated Room Spray. With scents ranging from Clean Linen to Balsam to seasonal ones like Christmas cookie, everyone can find the right aroma to fall asleep to.
2. Sleeping With Strangers Is Odd…at Least Too Many
I’m just not feeling sleeping with a room full of strangers for the heck of it. I must admit, I enjoyedsome nice women’s dorms that smelled better than sleeping in a mixed environment with the occasional nice conversation. However, I prefer to save the nice conversation outside of the privacy of my private room.
I think the only reason to sleep in a room full of strangers is when you’re:
- In the military, at least most of the men are hot
- Taking refuge after a natural disaster
- You just arrived at Hogwarts and know how to cast a spell if someone messes with your stuff
- A cult
My father, a veteran, said after being in the military, he’s never standing in line for food again. He’s so serious about it, he drove away from Outback Steakhouse because it was too crowded. I totally get it Dad. I’ve never been in the military at all, so I’m never bunking with strangers again for the heck of it.
3. I’m Not Down With OPP
The only time I want to see OPP( Other People’s Poop) is if I’m handling compost or helping someone who’s sick. Unfortunately, I have seen human poop during my former life in Los Angeles and my year in Shanghai, but that’s another story. However, when able-bodied adults are living in a shared space, the least you can do is ensure your turd goes away before you leave the bathroom.
During my month in Guadalajara, Mexico, I stayed in a guesthouse. The house itself was stunning, had beautiful rooms, and a GREAT staff. Of course, beyond the staff, you have to deal with the other patrons, many of whom didn’t understand how a toilet works.
Guess what, just because you don’t flush completely, the poop won’t magically find its way down the drain or put on a Harry Potter cloak of invisibility. It stays there until the next person comes in and flushes it. The only thing brown I want to start my day with is coffee, not a stranger’s turd.
After flushing away your waste ( or someone elses…. yuk), keep things fresh with Poo-Pourri Before-You-Go Toilet Spray, Original Citrus. At less than an ounce, it can easily fit in your purse or deep pocket for on-the-go toilet refreshment.
4. There Are a Few Weirdos
What do I mean by that? I mean the guys who aren’t actually staying at the hostel but decide to stop in and shoot their shot. During a stay at a hostel in Nice, France, one guy was in there playing pool and when I came back with my dinner one evening. He seemed normal and rather handsome and in shape to be honest.
He sat down at a table in the common space with me and began talking away. I was hungry, so I mostly focused on my chicken Curry and let him do most of the talking.
The said the magic phrase…..
“I have low testosterone and watch YouTube videos to pick up girls.”
Mind you, I never asked him about his hormone levels or pick-up methods. Once he realized he was talking too much he eventually moved on and I was able to finish my curry meal without any further weird thoughts that should have remained in his head. However, it only took a few minutes before he went to a group of friends ( that included 2 girls and A GUY) to exclaim the SAME THING TO THEM.
Unshockingly, the group feel into an awkward silence followed and he finally left.
5. Hostel Breakfast Options Are As Hostile As the Farts
Some hostels advertise breakfast as part of their options. However, it’s usually nothing worthy of getting up early for. From my experience, the morning meal is usually variations of bread and butter and coffee. Consider yourself lucky if you get a piece of fruit. However, one hostel did include a yummy cup of apple sauce with their 5 euro breakfast option.
In retrospect, I understand that a breakfast is more of an American thing compared to many other countries. However, it’s still nice to have one when possible, especially if I’m not operating in a place that has a kitchen for me to cook or store cereal and yogurt.
6. The Space Can Be Ripe for a Bed Bug
Bed bugs are annoying but they’re more than that. Did you hear about the Georgia inmate found dead with dozens of bed bug bites on him? These critters may not carry disease but they can cause infection or irritation if you’ve been bitten too much.
Plus, you can expect your social invites to be on hold if you have bed bugs are your overnight guests.
According to the Sleep Foundation, healthy adults should get about 7 to 9 hours of sleep each night. It’s bad enough be awaken by drunk roommates, especially if they fall into my bed when I’m sleeping (yes it happened). I don’t want to be visited by a blood sucking vampire (unless they’re the ones from the Underworld series) or an equally blood hungry but less cute bed bug.
7. I Don’t Want MMA Style Fights Over AC
Look, individuals can have different temperature preferences. However, when I’m paying money to stay somewhere, I want to be as comfortable as possible. So that means I don’t want to be freezing cold because roommates insist on having the one window in the small room open and of course my bed is by that window.
8. Folks May Be Saving Money on Hygiene
I remember being in the dining area of an otherwise nice hostel in Thailand. I made the mistake of looking over at another patron and noticed that the bottom of his foot looked like someone covered it with dark chocolate or painted it black. Unfortunately, his feet were disgustingly dirty despite having access to hot functioning showers in the space.
If you’re traveling and don’t feel like showering ( despite access to clean hot ones), you should consider traveling with:
Nurture XL Ultra Thick Body Wipes for Adults w/Aloe
Cetaphil Face and Body Wipes, Gentle Skin Cleansing Cloths
Then there was the time when I walked into the room only to be greeted by someone’s STINK STANK STUNK odor before knowing their name. If you’re saving on a hostel, you can use a few of those leftover coins for deodorant.
9. I Spent Wine Money On Towels
If you stay at several hostels throughout Europe, you usually have to pay for a towel. They normally charge you 5 euros and no, it’s not a deposit. You’re paying for a towel that you’re borrowing, even if you’re only staying in there for one night. I could buy a whole glass of wine in France or Portugal with that 5 euro.
10. Your Bed Should Be Made in Paid Accommodation
There is nothing like coming into a hotel room or apartment and having your bed already made-up. However, there were a few hostels in London and Amsterdam where I had to make my own bed. I’m not talking about being tidy in the morning when I wake up, I mean upon arrival!
Call me prissy but who knows how many other people had handled that naked pillowcase or duvet? I’m thinking about cross contamination because I don’t know how often they clean those things. That’s why I’m more comfortable if housekeeping has already handled it, so I don’t have to touch a naked pillow or comforter.
I understand that a good hostel or guest house serves a purpose, especially if you’re only staying for one night. However, there are too many private options on Booking.com that allow me to avoid flushing someone else’s #2 every day.
To all the people who manage quality hostels to the best of their ability, my love goes out to them. Thanks to a series of hostels, I was able to spend almost a year getting around Southeast Asia and extended my UK time last year. My Mexican guesthouse experience overall was lovely due to the location, quality of the rooms, and the staffing. One even had a vegan restaurant downstairs. However, no vegan taco is worth having to flush other people’s turds.
How do you feel about hostels or guest houses? Feel free to leave a comment below.
With love, the Superglad Nomad